You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

Yesterday I was the living dead. My sleeping pill wore off and I woke up at 3:30 AM. Not long after, at 4:11, my loving daughter woke up. I tried my best to administer tough love and let her "cry it out", but when she started screaming, "Mommy, I NEED you!" my heart melted and I gave in. Thus began my day...at 4:11 AM on Friday.
It was a rainy dreary day here in New Jersey. At times the rain was torrential. I met the electrician at the house for our walk through at 9:00. On the way over Eliana fell asleep...SO unfair that she got a nap and I didn't!!
Finished the walk through, got in the car and then headed south for a visit to the tile showroom where I was going to find out what tile I could get on short notice. The rain, the cadence of the window wipers and my lack of sleep all conspired to have me doze off at the wheel. I fought it off and made it there and back alive.
Upon hearing the exhaustion in my voice, Alan made an early escape from work and came home to give me some respite. That lasted until 6:44 AM this morning when Eliana came to wake me up. I got up and let Alan go back to sleep. I walked into our micro-living room to find every pillow from the couch on the floor. The place looked like someone had executed a search warrant looking for drugs or some other kind of contraband.
I decided to take a shower. I admit with shame that it is the first time I have done so since last Friday. Yes, it is gross. I feel like Frances McDormand's character in "Friends with Money". I am enjoying the feeling of water hitting my body, I have begun the task of cleansing my hair and I hear, "MOM! MY NOSE IS BLEEDING!!" It's not possible that I am in the shower, no glasses, gunk in my hair and my son is bleeding, is it? I instruct him to grab a wad of toilet paper, hold it on his nose and sit on the toilet and wait for me to finish my shower. What he does is, run amok in the bathroom, head down, dripping blood all over the bathroom. Despite my numerous admonishments to the contrary, it is like he is fascinated with the fact that blood is dripping from his nose and can't stop doing it.
Dripping wet, I emerge from the shower to assess the damages. The bleeding has stopped, now I have to clean up the bloody mess around the bathroom and the rest of the apartment. I can't find my wipes. OK...since Alan hasn't woken up from all the commotion as yet (what mother could sleep through this?) I now go in to wake up and ask where he has hidden my cleansing wipes. "Check under the sink," he moans as he turns back over to try to go back to sleep. Huh??
I make my rounds, cleaning up the blood around the apartment and then command my son to hand over the sweatshirt he is wearing that is now stained with blood. I spray a little Oxyclean pre-treat on it and the bathmat that he has been kind enough to drip blood on and throw it all in the washing machine. Alan makes his debut at the party..
Just another Saturday morning, right? You just can't make this stuff up!