There is something burrowing in my backyard. It is leaving holes everywhere and some of them are big enough that I fear someone will break an ankle this summer. I cannot figure out what the heck it could be, so I went on Google and entered a search for "burrowing animals." Try it...you get about 88,000 hits! Crazy that sending those 2 simple words out into an electronic abyss yields such vast results.
I have come to depend on the internet for everything. I needed a car seat for my daughter, so I went online, found the best one for the best price and ordered it. Two days later the man in the brown truck brought it to me. It is a miracle of modern life that we can do these things.
In recent days I have turned to Google to search on the following topics: asian slaw, rashes, bull sharks, coupons, Rita's Water Ices, Ocean City NJ vacation rentals, bicycles, weight loss supplements, a couple of former campmates (for their privacy I won't give their names), the MMR vaccine and much more that I can't even recall. Forget going through people's trash...I think you can learn infinitely more about a person by looking through their search strings. It is far more telling and a much cleaner way to gather information about someone. I am sure that based on the information I just provided you can make some assumptions about me that are probably fairly dead on for accuracy.
I don't know if Al Gore really invented the internet, I don't really know who did and I don't care. Maybe it was a think tank full of people who came up with it. All I know is that it has made my life about a billion times easier and I have a lot of love for the person/people who brought it to me. This little box that sits on my kitchen table, and sometimes in my lap while I watch TV at night has made it possible for me to look at pictures of measles so that I don't sound like a true crazy person calling the doctor's office when my daughter has a blotch on her face. Yes, that really happened (look above at those searches I did this week).
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Thursday, July 5, 2007
The Missing Sock
Every load of laundry that gets cleaned in my house ends with the same result. A minimum of one sock fails to re-emerge at the end of the cycle. Now, if it takes its leave of us during the wash, the rinse or the spin, I don't know. Perhaps it makes it all the way to the dryer before hightailing it out of our lives. The question is...where does it go and what other existence is out there for a sock with no mate? What makes a sock decide to leave its mate? Why do they sometimes change their minds and decide to come back and jump into a later wash load? Here's what I think...
Just as in any relationship, things between sock couples can get a little boring. Maybe one sock feels like it spends too much time on the same foot and would like a change of scenery. Perhaps it would like to go somewhere once in a while beside the gym, maybe it has developed a worn patch in the heel and it's just plain embarassed to be seen in public anymore. Who knows, but something in that sock snaps and it decides, "I need to hit the bricks and see what else the world holds for me." And so the plan is set in motion. During a subsequent wash cycle the sock enters the mythical sock vortex and is magically transported to the next plane of sock existence. In this place there is no social stratification...trouser socks and sweat socks are free to mingle without fear of judgment. Thigh-highs and knee-highs stand proudly beside each other with no awkwardness. It's sock utopia.
Some socks decide they want to achieve a greater purpose and so they evolve into sock monkeys. These brave socks give up their dignity to bring smiles to the faces of children all over the world. Other socks pursue a life in the entertainment field, becoming sock puppets. These socks fulfill their need to perform while also helping to bring messages of love, hope and happiness to people all over the globe. And still other socks find their way to impoverished golfers who cannot afford to purchase high end covers for their clubs. There are many worthwhile and lofty ways for a runaway sock to spend its afterlife, and each sock must decide how to live out its days.
Some socks leave their mate with the idea that they will be happier pursuing a different path in life. Once they make that break with their own familiar world, they are sometimes quickly disenchanted and they desire to rejoin the world they left behind. Only a rare few socks are granted this opportunity. There is a battery of psychological tests that the sock must go through in order to be granted re-entry into its former life. When the return to its former life is granted, the sock may only re-enter through the washing machine during a new wash cycle. The process is akin to a spiritual rebirth. The sock is ritually cleansed in the wash water and re-emerges into its old life a changed sock. And once the sock has rejoined its mate, it will never again be allowed to leave.
So, the next time you do a load of laundry and find a sock missing, smile! Your missing sock may be off entertaining a sick child, or maybe even teaching a life lesson to a whole group of kids. It might be your sock that keeps a kid off drugs someday. And if it happens to come back one day, treat it with kindness. After all, it can't be easy for a sock to admit it made a mistake.
Just as in any relationship, things between sock couples can get a little boring. Maybe one sock feels like it spends too much time on the same foot and would like a change of scenery. Perhaps it would like to go somewhere once in a while beside the gym, maybe it has developed a worn patch in the heel and it's just plain embarassed to be seen in public anymore. Who knows, but something in that sock snaps and it decides, "I need to hit the bricks and see what else the world holds for me." And so the plan is set in motion. During a subsequent wash cycle the sock enters the mythical sock vortex and is magically transported to the next plane of sock existence. In this place there is no social stratification...trouser socks and sweat socks are free to mingle without fear of judgment. Thigh-highs and knee-highs stand proudly beside each other with no awkwardness. It's sock utopia.
Some socks decide they want to achieve a greater purpose and so they evolve into sock monkeys. These brave socks give up their dignity to bring smiles to the faces of children all over the world. Other socks pursue a life in the entertainment field, becoming sock puppets. These socks fulfill their need to perform while also helping to bring messages of love, hope and happiness to people all over the globe. And still other socks find their way to impoverished golfers who cannot afford to purchase high end covers for their clubs. There are many worthwhile and lofty ways for a runaway sock to spend its afterlife, and each sock must decide how to live out its days.
Some socks leave their mate with the idea that they will be happier pursuing a different path in life. Once they make that break with their own familiar world, they are sometimes quickly disenchanted and they desire to rejoin the world they left behind. Only a rare few socks are granted this opportunity. There is a battery of psychological tests that the sock must go through in order to be granted re-entry into its former life. When the return to its former life is granted, the sock may only re-enter through the washing machine during a new wash cycle. The process is akin to a spiritual rebirth. The sock is ritually cleansed in the wash water and re-emerges into its old life a changed sock. And once the sock has rejoined its mate, it will never again be allowed to leave.
So, the next time you do a load of laundry and find a sock missing, smile! Your missing sock may be off entertaining a sick child, or maybe even teaching a life lesson to a whole group of kids. It might be your sock that keeps a kid off drugs someday. And if it happens to come back one day, treat it with kindness. After all, it can't be easy for a sock to admit it made a mistake.
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